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Ever felt like a fraud despite your achievements? In this enlightening episode, I welcome Mark Collins, a pastor and life coach, who has experienced imposter syndrome firsthand and emerged stronger. Through his journey and insights from his book, "Life Mastery: Living Life by Design, Not by Default," we unpack the profound impact of life experiences and external messages on self-perception. Mark's perspective on faith and self-belief offers a refreshing approach to tackling imposter syndrome by understanding our true identity, which he believes begins with God.
We dive into the concept of life mastery, focusing on the idea that each of us is created on purpose, for a purpose. Instead of merely emulating success, Mark argues for a transformative mindset that sees you as the hero of your own story. Together, we explore practical strategies for mastering your thoughts, words, and actions, crafting empowering "I am" statements, and embracing an identity that transcends roles and titles. It's about becoming the person you believe you're meant to be, igniting the hero within all of us.
Throughout our conversation, real-life stories bring these concepts to life. We hear about Evelyn and Brett, who, despite external success, grappled with feelings of inadequacy. By redefining their self-worth through identity statements and self-affirmation, they discovered renewed purpose and confidence. This episode also touches on the vital role self-knowledge plays in personal relationships, advocating for authenticity and self-love as the antidote to external validation. Join us as we champion life mastery and self-worth, encouraging you to steward your current situation while progressing towards your ultimate goals with clarity and assurance.
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Chapters
00:16 - Overcoming Imposter Syndrome in Identity
11:41 - Unleashing Your Inner Hero
18:17 - Transforming Self-Worth and Confidence
23:27 - Discovering True Identity and Worth
27:56 - Understanding Life Mastery and Self-Worth
Transcript
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Hello everyone, thank you again for joining me on another episode of the Dorsey Rose Show.
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Today we have a special guest with us.
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His name is Mark Collins.
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He is a husband, father, pastor and life coach with a passion to keep Christians equipped to be the hero God created them to be.
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He has authored Life Mastery Living Life by Design, not by Default and has developed several transformational courses.
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Mark, thank you for coming on the show today.
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Thanks for having me on, dorsey, I appreciate it.
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Absolutely.
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As my listeners know, I usually open up with an icebreaker question, and today's icebreaker question is if you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and why?
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Well, I'm a person of faith, so the easy answer would be Jesusesus, and for the easy reason because I would love to meet him in person before I pass beyond, you know jesus, which would be my first answer.
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I would say somebody like theodore roosevelt, a historical figure that I admire, who overcame a lot in his life and obviously became president and all the other things you know about teddy roosevelt, if you know anything, so you know.
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Just another fascinating person.
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I've read his biography.
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So, yeah, those two would be my top two.
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Okay.
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Today we're going to talk about imposter syndrome.
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And what is imposter syndrome?
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For those of my listeners, and even myself, that may not know what imposter syndrome is, Thanks for asking, dorothea.
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Imposter syndrome, first, is something that I struggled with in my young adult life and it really is believing that you're not qualified for the life that you're living.
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Whatever that is If it's your job or your business or relationship or the things that you're trying to accomplish or do it's feeling that you're not enough, that you don't have the ability to succeed in that area.
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Yeah, I find a lot of people struggle with it or have a challenge with it, myself included, but certainly a lot of clients that I've had who have had success in their life but still dealt with imposter syndrome all the while believing they weren't good enough to succeed, while at the same time they were trying to do it.
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What do you think I mean?
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I know what you said resonated with me because I have felt that way in my own life.
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You know why do you think that people deal with it or struggle with it?
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Yeah, it's a great question.
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You know you talked about my book Life Mastery Living Life by Design, not by default.
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In that I kind of unpack what I believe is the truth, which is you're either leaving from who you're created to be or what your life has told you.
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You are and, dorsey, in your life, I'm sure for sure in my life I've had those times where my life has told me something about a failure and insecurity, something that somebody has spoken over me, a struggle I've had in my life that I've had to overcome, and in those places you can start to feel like you're not good enough and in that place, for a lot of people they take that message into adulthood and so if they struggle in school they feel like that.
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You know there's this message that I'm not smart enough to, or I'm not as smart as everybody else, and so you kind of limit yourself in your future.
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If you're, you know you have relational issues or you have parental issues.
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You've had maybe a parent who left or some words that were spoken over you.
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Many times you can take them into adulthood.
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I mean to be totally honest, I remember a teacher telling me, going from junior high to high school, that you know I was going to a different high school to take on, you know, a program they had there and the teacher let me know that he didn't have faith that I would be successful at it.
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You know, those are things that you hear in your life that make you feel like you take them on, as I would call an identity statement.
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It's not the truth of who you are, but it's what your life has told you.
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And apart from knowing who you are and as a person of faith, for me that starts with God but whoever you are, apart from knowing who you're created to be, the only thing you can look at is your life and your past to tell you what you're able to do, what you're capable of and how big you can dream.
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Yeah, well, I can definitely relate to the teacher part of what you said, because, because obviously you know you can see me and know, and my listeners know that.
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You know I have a disability, I have a speech impediment, I have a learning disability where growing up I wasn't able to do able to learn as well as other people.
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And as I got ready to go to college, that's what I felt like I wanted to do and what God wanted me to do, and my parents were very supportive of it and they said, hey, if you think you can do it, you will.
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But I had this one history teacher and I went to a school for people with disabilities and he looked at me at an IEP meeting one time and he said I don't think Dorsey is going to be able to make it in college.
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I just don't think he has the ability to make it.
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And you know he looked.
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When they looked, you know the group of people looked back at me and they they said do you think you can?
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I said yeah, and they asked my mom there at the time do you think he can make it?
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He said, excuse me.
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She said, if he thinks he can make it, he will.
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And nine years later I got two associate's degree and a bachelor's degree in youth ministry Awesome.
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That's amazing and you know that's interesting what you said, that your mom said, because it's exactly what I teach in my course by the same name.
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It's called Life Mastery and it's this phrase.
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It says this that who you think you are, you'll become.
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There's a scripture, you know I don't want to beat people up with the Bible, but there's a scripture that says it's in Proverbs 23, 6, and it says as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
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It's talking about a wealthy person who's acting nice on the outside, but they're really not nice, they're kind of deceptive.
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The author's telling the reader hey, be careful with this person.
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They're acting one way but they're really another.
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But in there is an instruction from God when it says as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
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It's a description of that person, but it's also an instruction to live your life.
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So if you believe that you can do something, if your thoughts align with who God says you are, that person is going to be lived out Just like you talked about in the testimony of your life.
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It wasn't what the instructions said, it wasn't what the instructor said, it wasn't what your disability said.
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It was who you were created to be in.
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If you align with that, you know you are and in that place you can live it out.
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The challenge in most people's life is unlike you, dorsey.
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They limit themselves, they believe they can't do it and therefore they don't even try, or they give a little bit of a half effort and when challenge comes up which I'm sure it happens in your life, certainly happens in mine as well well then, that's just a confirmation that I'm not supposed to do this, versus just a challenge to get over so I can do it.
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So a lot of times our thoughts stop us from the life that works where you're being invited to live.
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If we would only believe we could.
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Yeah, you know you may talk about this later, but the question I'm coming up with as you're speaking is how do christians, when you know, christ talks about hey, you know, I have a plan and purpose for your life, I have great things in store for your life, but yet, like you're saying, you know, we may not think that way, we may not have the thought of you know, know that, but we don't believe it.
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How do we break that habit?
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How do we break that healing to know, okay, I'm going to believe that God has a better plan for my life, instead of believing, you know, I'm not going to be able to do X, y and Z.
00:08:08.620 --> 00:08:09.362
Yeah, I think that's a great question.
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First off, dorsey, and I think it starts with identity.
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I tell people this it's a joke and I tell them that my wife won't let me have a tattoo, but if she did, the tattoo that I have would have would be identity is everything, because I believe that identity is everything.
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We can unpack it in scripture for those who are believers, who are Christians and listening to this, but it really comes down to this who you believe you are, you'll become, and what we work with in the course is understanding that your identity is everything.
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A lot of times and I'm sure I've seen this with people you know as well apart from knowing who you are, your world has to make up the difference, and so we try and get a title, or we try and get a level of income or a job or a business, whatever the thing is right.
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There's a lot of them out there that you can grab a hold of, but in most cases, they're being used as a substitute for identity.
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I don't know who I am, and so I have to have, you know, a high level of income or a great job or a title or a business.
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You know I need to be a pastor, I need to be an executive, I need to be an author, I need to be whatever, and it really isn't because that's who you're created to be.
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It's because you want to feel like you're somebody of worth, somebody of value.
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And when you start to unpack identity, when you start to understand that you have an innate creative value, just because you're born, you have value, there's an importance to you being in the world, and when you can unpack that with identity we do that with some of the tools in my course and I illustrate it in my book as well but when you do that, you start to see that you're a person of worth.
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And so I'm not trying to reach out for some sort of role, title, income, possession to make me feel important.
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I realize I have value already and in that place you start to see that as I tell the people I work with Dorsey, there's an impact that God has in the world that has your name on it.
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There's an impact that you, uniquely, are created and crafted to have in the world, and it's just being able to understand that, not reaching for things to try and make yourself feel worthy, but really digging into the fact that your identity, who you're created to be matters, and there's not only value in that, but the more I understand it, the more I understand what my purpose is.
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The more I know who I am, the more I understand what my purpose is in my job and in my relationships and in my church and in my community and in the groups that I'm in, because I know who I am.
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So I know what gifts, what talents, what blessings I can bring to it, what impact I can have in it, because I know me.
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The concept of life mastery is intriguing.
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How do you define this idea and how is it different from other personal development or life coaching methods?
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living life by design, not by default, and the design not by default is really not living the way that everybody else is choosing to live, but living the way that you're created to live.
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What I mean is that life happens and we typically respond to it.
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We respond to the.
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You know.
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Struggle happens, issues happen, a challenge comes up.
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Right, I don't have as much money as I have month and I'm trying to figure out how to get through.
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Or I get a flat tire, or I lose a job, or I don't get that promotion right.
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Whatever, life happens to everybody and in most normal circumstances, you think you're just supposed to respond to it.
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I'm supposed to figure out how to get through it.
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Life mastery is understanding that.
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No, you're created on purpose, for a purpose, and that sounds great as a title, but what it looks like lived out is knowing that.
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What I tell the people I work with, dorsey, is you're the answer to the circumstance you're walking into.
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You're not the question.
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A lot of times we think we're the question hey, can I figure it out?
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Am I going to be able to find a solution?
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Am I going to be able to get through this thing?
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Versus understanding, you're the answer.
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You're planted into your circumstance because you are the person who's fully capable of being the answer in it.
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And so there's a mindset shift in understanding that, hey, I'm not just here as a bystander, I'm here, as I call it, for the people I work with.
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You're a hero in hiding who needs to come out.
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You're not a bystander in your own life, you're a hero waiting to happen.
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How does it differ from other programs?
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First and foremost, because I start with identity, and so in many personal development programs, especially the ones I was participating in because I was trying to figure out who I was as well, I was trying to figure out how to get the person who's on the inside of me on the outside, and in that I took a ton of personal development course, read a bunch of books, because I believe that I could be better than the person I was living, but I didn't know how to get there.
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So I was trying to find it through all these courses, and what I found through a lot of them really everyone that I had was they always, first and foremost, had this kind of idealized version, right, this perfect person.
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If I was, you know, perfect in every way, if I had the most amazing life.
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What would that life look like?
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And then you try and work towards that thing.
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The problem was it was really me imitating somebody else and not being who I was.
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And so in those places I'm trying to measure up to you know what Elon Musk is doing?
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Or what you know?
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Whatever great athlete, great academic, great business person, whoever the person is that you have?
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I know I'm not them, so to try and be them doesn't work.
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That's the first thing.
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The second is a lot of times what you're given is habits that you have to manage and maintain.
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You're not ever able to have a transformation, you're just able to try and commit to change.
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And what change means is I.
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I initiate a habit and I keep in that habit until I stop that thing.
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Whether it's a negative mindset or procrastination or insecurity or imposter syndrome, whatever the thing is, I create a habit to try and overcome that.
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The problem is any habit you use to go there, to get there, you have to use to stay there, and that doesn't sound like freedom, that doesn't sound like life mastery.
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It sounds like me just managing my life through different habits.
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How life mastery is different is it starts with transformation.
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In scripture it talks about, don't be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed.
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The word transformation isn't being transformed into somebody different.
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It's being transformed into the person you were created to be to begin with.
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As I said before, you're either living from who you're created to be or you're living from what your life has told you.
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So the transformational process for us is giving the tools and strategies to have the person you were created to be come out, not the one that your life has told you you were or the person you thought you were supposed to be.
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For those that may be listening and they say, hey, this sounds like a great idea, how can I connect with you?
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And they may be wondering is this a faith-based course or can anybody join?
00:14:36.048 --> 00:14:37.443
Yeah, that's a great questionbased course, or can anybody join?
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Yeah, that's a great question, Dorsey.
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Thanks for asking.
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Here's the thing I would tell people.
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I'm certainly a person of faith, I'm a Christian, but what I tell people is you can understand the truth and strategies without knowing the author.
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And so if you're a person of faith, you know all of the strategies that I have.
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Every chapter has a core scripture that's involved with it.
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But the implementation of the strategies doesn't take you being a Christian to be able to make it work for you.
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It just takes a willingness for you to be able to implement the strategies in your life.
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Strategies like identity and creating an I am statement.
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I don't have to be a Christian to understand that there's certain value and worth in who I am.
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And so, for us identity, you start to unpack, initially by having an I am statement.
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Who are you created to be, apart from your things, apart from your title, your role, your income, your positions and we have them write that down and start to use that as a meditation or something to remind themselves of on a daily basis.
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You don't have to be a Christian to do that.
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You can be informed by being a Christian if you are.
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Our transformational strategies are mastering your thoughts, words and actions.
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Mastering your thoughts, words and actions doesn't take you being a Christian to be able to do it.
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Certainly, there's some things we could unpack if you are, but even if you're not, here's the truth of the matter your thoughts will lead you to the life that you are going to live, whether you like it or not.
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That's how everybody has existed from the beginning of time, and your perfect testimony of it as well.
00:16:00.238 --> 00:16:04.532
Right, dorsey, you believed your thoughts were that you could go to college and actually succeed there.
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If your thoughts would have been I can't do it, you never would have gotten there.
00:16:08.208 --> 00:16:10.335
So everybody gets to the place.
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Well, I tell them this who you think you are, you'll become.
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So how to get to the place of becoming the person that I believe I'm supposed to be and having those achievements, those actions and those outcomes starts with mastering your thoughts and aligning your thoughts with that direction.
00:16:25.956 --> 00:16:27.828
So, again, that's.
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You know I could inform it through a place of Christianity.
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But the tools work, apart from even knowing who Jesus is at all.
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And so, yeah, they're tools that anybody could use, whether you're faith-based or not.
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They just work because they're universal truths that actually work in people's lives.
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You coached and mentored over 500 people in the last decade.
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Can you give us a couple of stories that you have seen and how they've dealt, how they've overcome or how they succeeded in your program?
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Yeah, absolutely.
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Through the imposter syndrome.
00:17:08.595 --> 00:17:09.257
Yeah, absolutely.
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There's a young lady who was in our program and is in our program.
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It's something that's ongoing, right, your life mastery doesn't happen in a moment, but over time.
00:17:16.423 --> 00:17:17.346
It's a journey like anything else in our program and is in our program.
00:17:17.346 --> 00:17:19.752
It's something that's ongoing, right, your life mastery doesn't happen in a moment, but over time.
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It's a journey like anything else in our lives.
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And this young lady that I've worked with has felt this place of not feeling valued or have purpose.
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She's a woman who's got her own profession, she's got a family husband and kids.
00:17:31.957 --> 00:17:34.269
She's got all of the family around her.
00:17:34.308 --> 00:17:46.385
But again, you either live from your identity or from what your life has told you, and her past and her life has told her that she's maybe not as valuable and maybe not as worthy of respect or love or those things that she believes that she's supposed to have.
00:17:46.385 --> 00:17:49.212
That's what her life has told her in the past.
00:17:49.212 --> 00:18:12.980
But in being able to unpack life mastery and some of the tools that you know, like the ones that we just talked about, you know, creating an identity statement and working through your thoughts, words and actions so that they align with who you are she started to unpack and unravel some of the lies that she's believed from her past and being able to unpack some of those things and how her childhood had affected her adulthood in negative ways, and seeing the truth of who she was.
00:18:12.980 --> 00:18:20.855
What I tell people is that we don't tell you that your past doesn't matter the hurts, the issues, the challenges that you've worked through.
00:18:20.855 --> 00:18:27.465
What we want is that we don't devalue your past, but we just don't want it to tell you who you are any longer.
00:18:27.465 --> 00:18:37.486
And so for Evelyn, it was that opportunity to be able to start to not allow her life to lie to her anymore, her past to continue to change her present and dictate her future.
00:18:37.486 --> 00:18:39.833
And in that place she started to feel value.
00:18:39.833 --> 00:18:41.457
She started to feel worth and purpose.
00:18:41.457 --> 00:18:43.087
Her job didn't change.
00:18:43.087 --> 00:18:45.653
Marriage was still her marriage.
00:18:45.653 --> 00:18:47.377
Her children were still her children.
00:18:47.377 --> 00:18:49.028
The difference was she changed.
00:18:49.028 --> 00:18:59.579
In those relationships, as I tell people that I work with, we're not here to if you're a business owner, we're not here to change your business, we're here to change you in your business.
00:19:00.362 --> 00:19:13.670
Like Brett, who is another story that I have, a guy who was highly successful in his business, very successful in what he was doing, but at the same time, that imposter syndrome we talked about earlier and even fear of failure he had during his whole business time.
00:19:13.670 --> 00:19:15.574
I mean, he's still a business owner, still doing it.
00:19:15.574 --> 00:19:21.731
The difference is that in the past his success would only be a relief, not an excitement, not a joy.
00:19:21.731 --> 00:19:31.272
Because when you hear this feelings, you have these ideas that you're gonna fail, it's gonna mess up, it's not gonna work, I'm not qualified, I'm not smart enough to do it.
00:19:31.272 --> 00:19:33.512
You can still succeed at a certain level.
00:19:33.512 --> 00:19:37.655
The problem is it just is an emotional drag the whole time you're trying to do it.
00:19:37.655 --> 00:19:44.454
And so when you finally succeed in that business transaction or the thing you're trying to do, it's really a relief that you didn't blow it this time.
00:19:44.454 --> 00:19:48.556
But then you have to relive that on the next one and the next one after that.
00:19:48.605 --> 00:19:52.336
And that's the life he had successful in business, but emotionally drained.
00:19:52.336 --> 00:20:04.037
And so for him it was walking through those tools Again, your past lying to you rather than your identity speaking to you and in understanding who he was, that he was a person.
00:20:04.037 --> 00:20:05.763
That was, as I talked about before, the answer to the circumstance he's walking into.
00:20:05.763 --> 00:20:14.951
He's not the question to be figured out and in that place, being able to really invest who he was and have confidence that he had all the capability he needed to succeed in business.
00:20:16.194 --> 00:20:17.457
So the difference for him was a couple.
00:20:17.457 --> 00:20:21.045
One was it wasn't just an emotional drain in his business.
00:20:21.045 --> 00:20:23.772
He wouldn't be waking up in the middle of the night like he had before.
00:20:23.772 --> 00:20:31.307
He wouldn't bring it home and be kind of grumpy and have an attitude with his family like before, because he was just emotionally taxed.
00:20:31.307 --> 00:20:42.838
But he was able to actually thrive in his business and so his business, although it was successful before, became much more so because he became more bold, more confident, more assured in the things that he could do.
00:20:42.838 --> 00:20:46.115
So Evelyn is the lady and Brett is the guy.
00:20:46.115 --> 00:21:00.932
Those are a couple of stories of students who've really implemented the tools and found that there's been transformation that's happened in their life because of it happened in their life because of it yeah, I'm from the one thing that you said, um, you said it.
00:21:00.951 --> 00:21:44.057
You know, over time it's over the lifetime that we have to, you know, work on the imposter syndrome and get rid of the imposter syndrome and get with you know, work on the thoughts, the good, you know, the good thoughts and everything that we have and you know for know, for me, the thing that I, the one thing I have to work on is when I was younger, you know, I used to get you know, teased and make fun of and picked on and called names and sometimes, you know, even to this day I have you know, people say things to me or you me, or call me names and whatnot, and I have to remind myself who I am.
00:21:44.057 --> 00:21:50.457
I have to remind myself I am made in the image of God.
00:21:50.457 --> 00:21:53.270
I am created for good things.
00:21:53.952 --> 00:21:58.867
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, and I'm sorry for those things that you've had to walk through dorsey.
00:21:58.867 --> 00:22:07.034
It's not something that is something you deserve or that you should ever have to accept and those I am statements.
00:22:07.055 --> 00:22:13.976
That's interesting that you say, because you could certainly use scriptures and scriptures are amazing but the I am statement that we really have people unpack is much more personal.
00:22:13.976 --> 00:22:14.901
It's it's not.
00:22:14.901 --> 00:22:19.623
You know, again, the word of god is powerful, and so you can use that to be able to create an I Am statement.
00:22:19.623 --> 00:22:20.787
But it's really an I Am statement.
00:22:20.787 --> 00:22:22.992
Like you know, I am a person of character and worth.
00:22:22.992 --> 00:22:24.766
I'm a person of value and destiny.
00:22:24.766 --> 00:22:28.435
I'm a person who has a purpose that's beyond what others can understand.
00:22:28.435 --> 00:22:30.497
I'm passionate, I'm creative, I'm constant.
00:22:30.497 --> 00:22:33.598
I'm always invested in the things that matter to me.
00:22:33.598 --> 00:22:36.259
I'm a person of great humor and a great worth.
00:22:36.259 --> 00:22:41.862
I'm a person who loves deeply and cares effectively and helps those who are in need, right.
00:22:41.862 --> 00:22:49.490
So some of those statements would be from my own I am statement, and so that's what we do as well is to try and impact something that's personal to you.
00:22:49.490 --> 00:22:51.655
It's the you statement.
00:22:51.655 --> 00:22:53.547
It's not the everybody's statement.
00:22:53.547 --> 00:23:05.511
There's the everybody's statements of you know, if you're a Christian, I'm a child of God, or you could say I'm a person of worth, or or I'm somebody who's you know, meant for greatness and those kinds of things in your life.
00:23:05.511 --> 00:23:07.059
But when you start to see more of who you are, we unpack it a little bit.
00:23:07.059 --> 00:23:11.608
You know, if I could give you an additional tool for identity, we also unpack it with the celebration list.
00:23:11.608 --> 00:23:16.355
So you have the I am statement and you have a celebration list that we invite the people into.
00:23:16.394 --> 00:23:21.181
I tell my students to create 20 statements or 20 things you're celebrating.
00:23:21.181 --> 00:23:22.550
I've created 100.
00:23:22.550 --> 00:23:26.410
And the celebration list, I tell them, isn't your accomplishments, it's not the things you've done.
00:23:26.410 --> 00:23:31.413
It really is completing this sentence or responding to the sentence what do you love about you?
00:23:31.413 --> 00:23:46.115
And in that place of finding things that you love about you, what you start to see is the value that you bring to your life and the people around you, not the things that you're accomplishing, but who you are, because it really is who you are that matters.
00:23:46.195 --> 00:23:47.560
It's who you are that makes the difference.
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It just works its way out in the things that you do.
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I'm not the things I do.
00:23:52.613 --> 00:23:57.471
The things I do are from who I am, and so understanding and celebrating who you are.
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